Creation of the Mind

Creation of the mind. I know some of you are reading that sentence thinking, “what in the world is she talking about,” is she even talking?

Well, I guess it is just as confusing to you as it is to me. You see I have been feeling a bit down lately, and over sensitive I guess. This might be from being a “girl” but I think it is other things too. Lately I have been feeling as if I don’t have a purpose. Now some of you are thinking, I am sure, she going to kill herself, her depression is back everyone run for the hills.

You can stop now! I am not going to kill myself. I am not depressed. I guess you could say I am just worried. Life is about worry about falling and having to push yourself up. I know that. I am working so hard to push myself up but some days I feel like I am doing nothing but falling down again. I guess everyone feels this way. I sometimes feel like the dreams I have are nothing, as some refer to “not realistic.” I have places I want to go and people I want to meet.

All my life since I was younger I have said I wanted to see the world go out and do things. What is holding me back? Money maybe but I think the most of what is holding me back is me. I know that it will take a few years but I want to graduate college. Get a job that I love doing and have a passion for and see the world while doing it. I want to do that, I dream of doing that.

I will do that.

Just going to take time and patience, something I have never been that good at…

I hope to see what people see in this world and to explore!

I guess we can keep watching and see?

-Deamon-

Hello Everyone,

I know it’s been forever since I’ve actually wrote a blog. I’ve had a few people ask me to write a new update. To be honest I don’t think anything new has been happening. It’s currently raining, which is a strange for Texas, and yes for those who don’t know I live in Texas. It’s a bit cold but not to cold that were all cuddled near the fire. I have the window open actually. I love the smell of rain and cold air into the house! Specially after doing my nails last night and my room smelled like nail polish. Yuck!

I’m starting back at school in January. Just getting the last bits of info for the school so I can start finishing up my graphic design degree. I’ve kind of made it this thing in my head that I don’t want to go very far till I can graduate school. Then I can go anywhere I want too. I feel like if I have that as a long term goal I will be better off.

Work has been a bit hard because I am not getting all the hours I totally want or need. I’ve asked for more but I know I am not the only one sitting in this position. I’ve had friends all over the US having the same problem I am having. I really need a full time job. Once I have one I am just going to save pretty much everything and then move out when I feel financially comfortable. Filling out a full time app today so wish me luck!

So really nothing to big to report. I see dad and the boys soon for a little Christmas lunch since I won’t be able to see them on actual Christmas. I am excited for our family christmas here and I made sure to ask the day off!!! I will post with a haul of everything I got. Oh and Spencer says hi. He’s hungry so he is in my lap looking at me like. PPPPPLLLLEEEAAASSSEEEE FOOOD!

Loves,

Deamon

Well I decided to start working two jobs. I know I am not all that good with one. I was never good at the whole working thing just not that strong-willed or listen to much into what the boss is saying… Don’t ask… Well, my second job which was paying better ended up giving me the turn around saying that if my first job did not agree to let me work their hours then I couldn’t work for them. Well, I love my first job. It is my favorite job to be able to work in a little craft store! I am very happy and content there and am learning things really fast so no I am not going to leave somewhere I love to go to somewhere I being given the run down.

I was really proud of myself for being able to stand up for myself. The whole three hours later of crying and shaking like a little kid asking everyone under the sun if I did the right thing helped… I think? Yes I know I have dependency problems… it’s not a problem it is normal… or is it? I dont’ is it?

Then I got sick right after all this and I’m guessing it is from all the stress and the millions of sick people walking around. Don’t they know they are supposed to go curl up in their beds and stay there for three days. So now I am having my last days of sickness which today involve a nice cough that hurts my lungs really bad right now and I keep whining to my mom I hurt and she keeps saying go get your own medicine. Thanks mom… Yes, I turn into more of a little kid when I sick, I know strange from my actual everyday self that can’t seem to sit still and continues to talk about random stuff. At least its not as bad a Joseph (younger brother).

That and Spencer has been so hyper today. While taking a nap I woke up to a giant dog on my face staring at me. I’m sorry it is kind of shocking to wake up and there is a huge dachshund face in your face staring you down. Mom said I was coughing in my sleep so I think he was probably just worried. That or I was talking and he was doing the whole listening and croaking his head back and forth at me and looking at me like I am insane…. Which I’m not on most days….

So yeah… I’m working thinking of getting another job if I can find one or just waiting till after the holidays. Then moving out when ever I can finally get the money. To be honest not looking to forward to that. Not because of the whole moving out thing. I would love my own area and space just like being around people and not all alone all the time like I was before. Hopefully with my new-found friends here if I start feeling that way in my new house they could come over or I could come there. I hope so I am still a little nervous it’s a lot bigger here!!!

Anyways I’m going to go take some more meds and a shower and then sleep. I have to be at work by 8am so don’t have my usual sleep in time. GRRRR. I a grouchy waker upper well mostly… So talk to you in say a week and give you another update.

Loves and Hugs

Deamon

I had also applied at Fry’s Electronic. For those who don’t know I would classify myself as a Nerd. Not really a geek (although most of my friends are in the geek or nerd category) but a nerd. I went for my interview and was offered a job in the cafe. Having only 12 to 15 hours at JoAnn’s I was really needing another job!!! So when the manager told me he was pretty much giving me full hours my heart jumped. I love it. I am going to have more than enough to help me and after a month at JoAnn’s I can get insurance!!! I am so excited and happy. I feel more content even though I know I am going to be working my butt off. I am planning on saving a lot of what I make and take some online classes in January maybe one or two if they are easier classes. I know I have a lot on my plate but one day this will all be worth it.

Oh, if people don’t know my hard drive is crashing so some of my more social websites with different graphics I can’t get on or if I disaper all of a sudden this is why. Hopefully I will be able to get one in a few weeks!!! I am so excited for everything I will report back in a few days :)